addiction

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admitting an addiction is hard. but i was thinking i'd have at it here, since i haven't found anything else worth writing about, and i want to keep up the blog, even while i toy with the idea of ending it here, focusing on writing in other forums.

so here is where i admit that last night, walking to my office, i was arguing with Lou Pinella about his lineup. how can last year's manager of the year still put Soriano in the lead off spot? Soriano has to adapt to being where he belongs in the order--somewhere 3-5. he strikes out too much and his reocurring leg injuries limit his stolen bases. mentally he says he likes leading off, but that will change after his first first-inning grand slam and his better RBI production, no doubt. so, why can't you just get with it Lou!

and i stop myself. why can't i think of something more productive. why do i care about the acquisition of Milton Bradly, the release of Kerry Wood, and whether or not Ramirez has an adequate back-up at 3rd?

i nag my mother for reading so much people magazine and caring about Brad and Angelina and their stange-named children. but what's the difference. here i am with my own meaningless bits of knowledge, checking out Aaron Miles' OBP in my free time.

i watch basketball less often, but might justify it by saying that i participate in the sport. but i haven't played baseball since 8th grade and even then i could barely make contact. and at one time my addicition to the Chicago Cubs was much more social. i was around friends who could debate lineups and talk about yesterday's game, but why am i looking up the box score for spring training in a country where noone know the rules of the sport? i haven't had a baseball discussion since i've been here.

and that's why it's an addiction. i know it's bad for me. i might as well be checking up on individual congressional votes, learning in time more representatives than baseball players. but there has always been a consitency to my Cubs fandom. no matter what a year or day brings, i could be content with a Cubs victory. i could stay hopefull for the next year, watching for trades and free-agent signings. perhaps i'm keeping my knowledge up for the day i come back, something that, despite the different directions our lives take, i can always talk about with friends back home.

but at the end of the season, at the end of a cubs game, and when i shut down the computer after researching the Cubs, i'm always let-down, disapointed, a bit shameful. i'm disgusted by the player's huge contracts and the time and money everyday people sacrifice for the sport. i wish we had the same commitment to things that really mattered. but maybe that's the point of entertainment in our lives, an escape, a competition that has no significance.

and here i am not knowing why i wrote about it. maybe this is a call for an intervention. maybe i'm just bored. maybe i'm ashamed that i just looked up the latest spring training game online. maybe i'm reminiscent of a summer day, dozing off in the middle innings at home. or maybe it's because as soon as i can suck it up and post something stupid, i have the motivation to write something interesting on the blog.